Thursday, February 16, 2006

Build it anyway!

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build it anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world your best, and it may never be enough;
Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

My world rebuilds

I'm putting the pieces back together. I worked out the advice and truths I'd been told. Some of them I disgarded, some of them would not work for me, some I took on board. I spent much time in meditation, and the answers came as I asked the questions. I now what is best for me, I now what is not best for me. I'm smiling again, starting to.
A new world.

Expectations are my wall. I build up expectations of how the day should go, how people should act, who they should be, what I should achieve. Of course when they aren't met, my ideal world is not happening, its hard. There is dissappointment, and you somehow keep hoping that those expecations will be met the next day or the next day or some day....

Let go of expectations. It is hard for me. It is my lesson this month.

You can not change people. Stop expecting them to be something they are not. Accept who they are, even if you dont like it. Deal with it in your own way, but dont expect it to change.

I found (or am still finding) a new way to deal with it.

Monday, February 13, 2006

It fizzed

I finished reading 'Beyond Black', but it fizzed, it just finished. I don't think I grew from it. There was only one sentance that I take with me from the book. It is the only sentance that inspired me. it tells us that there is a flower inside us that we water with our tears, we should remember this when sorrows come.

I'm now going to read 'The Spiral Staircase' by Karen Armstrong. It is her path out of the darkness and into spirituality. I should be able to relate to it quite well.

I'm wearing a shirt today, a proper shirt with collar and buttons and cuffs, it is white. It is a nice shirt, but I hate wearing shirts and so only own 2, never wear them though.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Shattered Illusions

My world was shattered. Truths became known, realised, brought forth, pointed out to me. Real truths. My Illusions were destroyed. Illusions of hope, of expectations, that I had a strong grip on. A friend pried my fingers off the illusions, the hope, told me to let go. showed me that they will never eventuate. She was right. I was kidding myself. I fell for a couple of days, in a dark slipperly tunnel.

Today I landed at the bottom. I see the light, but I am not sure how to get back to it. I dont know how to move towards it right now. I will find a new way to live. I will find how to deal with the truth.

I must not make new illusions. I must live absolute truth. I must not make hopes and expectations. What will drive me forwards now?

It is not easy, but it is right.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

My Lemonade Life: December 2005

My Lemonade Life: December 2005: "a boy who
Once upon a time there was a boy who looked at me and said, 'Don't ever let anyone tell you who you are.'
And I wondered how he managed to get away with being so wise."

My Lemonade Life: January 2006

My Lemonade Life: January 2006: "will grow

Sometimes it's all I can do to remember that one day things will grow again."

My Lemonade Life

My Lemonade Life: "so alone
We create a mask to meet the masks of others. Then we wonder why we cannot love, and why we feel so alone.

Pillar of cloud, pillar of fire

Pil: "Tuesday, February 07, 2006
There are times when all we have before us is daunting. The magnitude of the events to come, that have come and the events that will come as a result of completing any of the aforementioned daunting tasks can be, in a word, overwhelming. I don't think this is something that only a few select few battle, I feel it is a struggle which we all encounter in our lives at one time or another. I've thought recently about several obstacles in my own life that loom far larger than I. One has been the struggle of my family, my marriage which have come as a result of physical affliction. It is trying. It is tiring. It is consuming. It feeds anger. It feeds frustration. It tries, by any means necessary to separate joy from your life. It makes more noise in a polluted audible environment to drown out the blessings in your life. It covers the glass we see dimly through with dirt and grime to further strain our eyes to see the beautiful gifts we have been given. The second is to a call not fully understood. I know that God is without a shadow of a doubt real, in charge and living. Sometimes I wonder if I understand less than the few things I give myself credit for knowing, if even partially. I have gone over the dreams which lead me to responding to what I lean on as my call to the priesthood. And they are still as real and relevant in my heart as the nights I had them years ago."

Monday, February 06, 2006

I see dead people...

I see dead people.
I communicate with dead people... and spirit guides... and angles.... beings from the light

I do. Just had to announce it.


I love reading blogs. I love searching for intersting, inspiring blogs. So what does it mean to be inspired? Does it make me feel inadequate, because I am not as good as them and I want to be. I do know that we are all on our own paths, and everyone is different, I respect peoples differences. Is inspiration encouraging me to improve and grow? I think it is triggering something that is already in me, the inspiration is just opening the lid and letting me see another part of me that needs attention. Otherwise it wouldnot interest me, it wouldn't stir emotions and feelings in me, right? It is there for a reason, I found it for good reason.
in·spire ( P ) (n-spr)v. in·spired, in·spir·ing, in·spires v. tr.
To affect, guide, or arouse by divine influence.
To fill with enlivening or exalting emotion: hymns that inspire the congregation; an artist who was inspired by Impressionism.
To stimulate to action; motivate: a sales force that was inspired by the prospect of a bonus.
To affect or touch: The falling leaves inspired her with sadness.
To draw forth; elicit or arouse: a teacher who inspired admiration and respect.
To be the cause or source of; bring about: an invention that inspired many imitations.
To draw in (air) by inhaling.
To breathe on.
To breathe life into.

I'm floating

I'm floating today, I just want to admire art, I just want to read beautiful words. I want to create art and words. No logic. I want away from logic, away from routine, away from society, I want my own world. The coffee smells good today, but I'll wait until tommorow. It will taste even better if I wait an extra day.

The children angered me this morning, I think mainly because I didnt want to be in this world with them. I love them dearly, but I need me right now and only me. I'm angered when they enter my space, and taint my things.

Tommorow I start my third Reiki course, level II extenstion. I'm looking forward to it. I will be in a different world. My Reiki master suggests that I may be going through a big energy shift - that explains wanting to be alone, reflect upon myself and live for me only.

It all happens for a reason.

I'm reading a book, "Beyond Black: A Novel" by Hillary Mantel. I'm 70% through it. It is not riviting, doesnt leave me hanging on, waiting to see what is on the next page. I can put it down quite easily. There is no plot, no real story, no thread, it is just odd days in their life. There is no real character development. It doesnt make me think about things. I dont feel inspired by it. It doesnt challenge my beliefs. I figure I dont really need to read the rest. But then I think, something exciting has to happen, it just might, it may just go somewhere in the end with a profound meaning. You cant just write all this and just end. And so I will keep reading, I have expectations now. That will probably lead to disappointment... we'll see.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


The butterfly:
1. Transformation, ugly to beauty, emerge from the cocoon into the light, a new begining
2. Butterfly theory, Chaos
3. Colours never fade
4. Dancing the joy of life

The labyrinth

I'd love to build a labyrinth. Where shall I build it? How do I explain to those who dont belive of its benefits? I shouldnt have to explain anything.

I will build one, one day. When the time is right and the space is right. I will have one.