colours - I love colours

Each colour is so powerful and beautiful in its own right.
Red
Orange
Yellow
Green
Blue
Indigo
Purple
...............

Insights

On the weekend I saw “The Bridge to Terabithia” – good movie, but very emotional. I cried for the whole second half of the movie! My son kept looking at me, telling me “it’s just a movie mum”. It struck an emotional cord with me, i cried.

I’m reading a book called “Your money or your life”, I’m not going to give a review or opinion of the book, but I was reading a section on the weekend that gets you to evaluate whether you’re spending is in alignment with your values and life purpose. It then poses many questions to ponder over in order to define and understand your values, integrity and life purpose.

For me, this expanded way past my spending habits. I applied it to all parts of life. Is everything I’m doing in alignment with my life purpose and what I stand for? - I have some changes to make.

I must stop making poor excuses for not writing my book. I must write my book, everyday, I have to do it and finish it. It screamed at me strongly – WRITE THE BOOK. So Saturday night and Sunday night, I spent a lot of time writing. I love it, I do enjoy writing and I NEED to write this book. So I’m back on track again now.

Any publishers out there who want to publish my auto-biography? It tells the story of me transforming from being abused, fearful and hateful and controlled (by my husband) to self loving, self confident, personally empowered and standing up for myself (and a single mum) Finding my way out of the darkness and into the light – and being grateful for my journey (not resentful and guilty and ashamed). Grateful that I can now love life so much more than if i had never been in the dark.

I would love for a publisher to pick me up now and pay me while I finish this book!
Please, is there any agents out there?

Oztion

Its Cold!

Its Cold! Its very very cold. I'm not ready for winter. I've had enough of winter. I'm ready to either now go to Queensland or just skip to Spring.

I know, I know... we have to endure the winter months...it's good for us......

isn't it?

I sometimes seem to go the wrong way down a one-way street.

My brother only wants me when he wants something. He will only visit and chat if he really needs something from me. When he needs me we are the best of friends, we talk and talk about everything and anything. I love him. The weeks that he doesnt need me, he doesnt call. I call and he doesnt answer. Or he says only one word answers, he tells me he has no time to visit or chat. He tells me I cant visit because he doesnt know what time he'll be home or where he'll be when.

I called him the other day, I wanted to chat, I wanted to see how he was. It was the first anniversary of our dad passing. He was abrupt. He was cold. He couldnt just chat to me like we used to. He didnt need me that day! Fuck him! Thinks he can treat me like a rag, just toss me out when he chooses, and use me to clean up the mess when he needs. Fuck him!

I know he'll be there when I really NEED him. I can rely on him. But what about when I have no problems, what about when I am happy and cruising? Cant we still talk? Laugh? Enjoy life?

Its not about 'need'. Relationships can exist on the love for each other. A feeling of compassion, friendliness, togetherness, experiences. Relationships shouldnt be about NEEDS all the time. A mutual existance. To be there for each other. Fuck him!

No more one-way relationships!!!

(It's harder when its family though)

Think about all those people who never ever ever call you, you always have to call them? Are they worth it? Do they really want to be freinds with you? Think about all those people who only want you when they need something? Are they there for you when you want to talk?

Are you being used?

And what about those people who you love but they think they are only here to help you? What happens when you dont need help, but you just want to love them on a mutual level? What about when you want to help them and they refuse it? A one-way relationship. I'm over them.

Who am I? I am me again now.

I changed my surname a couple of months ago. I reverted back to my "maiden name".

So I am now explaining to everyone that I have returned to my "maiden name". I've decided that I now hate the term "maiden name". It is my real name, my birth name. It is who I really, really am. It's not just another name for a name. It was easier than I thought to change back (legally). I am very happy to be me again.

I've decided that i will not change my name again. Even if I marry again, I'm keeping everything offical and legal in my real name!

I am who I am. I will remain who I am. I will retain my own birth identity!

I used to dislike my name. I didnt like my first name. I didnt like my middle name. When I decided to begin blogging I definately did not want my surname (married surname) as part of my name at all. So I used my first and middle. It grew on me, I began to like my name again. I used my names more and more with out a surname. I had decided that I didnt want to be known as that surname (that marriage) anymore.

And now that I've returned fully to my real name, I feel very happy and complete.

Who am I? I am me again now.

I changed my surname a couple of months ago. I reverted back to my "maiden name".

So I am now explaining to everyone that I have returned to my "maiden name". I've decided that I now hate the term "maiden name". It is my real name, my birth name. It is who I really, really am. It's not just another name for a name. It was easier than I thought to change back (legally). I am very happy to be me again.

I've decided that i will not change my name again. Even if I marry again, I'm keeping everything offical and legal in my real name!

I am who I am. I will remain who I am. I will retain my own birth identity!

I used to dislike my name. I didnt like my first name. I didnt like my middle name. When I decided to begin blogging I definately did not want my surname (married surname) as part of my name at all. So I used my first and middle. It grew on me, I began to like my name again. I used my names more and more with out a surname. I had decided that I didnt want to be known as that surname (that marriage) anymore.

And now that I've returned fully to my real name, I feel very happy and complete.