an endless tunnel?

I feel like I am in an endless tunnel. It is dark and cold, wet and muddy. I keep moving forwards and I know why I am in here, but i cant see the light at the end yet. It scares me. It is uncomfortable, the unknown. I dont see a way out, I dont see the ending or how it could possibly all work out. People reassure me that it will get better, there has to be a light and an ending. I will keep moving and pray that I see it soon.

I know that it will soon be over. I surrender.

I know my intentions, my goals, I surrender to how they will manifest. I live in the now, the moment, day to day.

I could talk about.... but don't know how right now.

I could talk about my weekend in two different ways:

First: I could come from the ego point of view and say how horrible it was, stressful, scary, how I was a victim of yucky things and how my children were also a victims, how we were threatened, how my son was held for ransom while threats were placed against me that I didnt succum to. How i was able to keep at least one of my children safe. How i feared for the life and well-being of my children. I could talk about how I spent time at the poilice station and how they have absolutely no compassion - they only act by the book. How I spent lots and lots more money talking to my solicitor and obtaining advice on what to do and say next. I could talk about self-pity, and guilt, and regrets, and resentment, and anger. I could talk about how confusing it is to have 5 different opionions and advice being thrown at me, and in the end I am the only one to make the decisions. I could talk about confusion and crying and the want to just curl up in a ball in the corner and cry until I vomited. I could talk about that man and how much I despise him and how angry he could make me feel if I allowed it to grow inside. I could talk about how scared I was this morning to send them to school again, in case they are taken again. I fear. I fear so much I cant even put it into words....

Or second. I could come from the spirit point of view and say how i was challenged. A challenge that will make me stronger and wiser. A challenge that will, in time, teach my children more wisdom and strength. How we need to listen to our hearts in such logical chaos to figure out what to do. I could talk about how i know that I have all I need to work through this challenge, and that with love and light I will do the right thing and that ultimately I am safe, as are my children. I could talk about how we need to remain positive, even in the most trying times. We need to look forwards and decide on action. This has occurred, now deal with it in the best way you can. I could say how things can only get better. I could talk about how I asked and prayed for spirits to support and guide me. How I stood strong and tall. I could talk about how I believe that everything happens for a reason, a divine reason and that we will grow divinely from it.

I can tell you I had my son returned to me Sunday night. Thank God.

I can tell you that I believe justice will be done.

A reminder on my lizard totem

Dreaming

Lizard medicine is the shadow side of reality where your dreams are reviewed before you manifest them physically.

If you have a Lizard totem, listen to our own intuition above anyone else's.Pay attention to your dreams for they show us what we do not perceive when awake.Dreams are shadows showing your fears and hopes. Make a dream log and record your dreams. Look for your symbolic and reoccurring dreams and study them carefully.
Lizard can also teach you to become more detached in life. Sometimes it is necessary to separate yourself from others to accomplish what is necessary. Lizard helps you awaken the ability for objective detachment. It can show you how to break from the past.

A busy rabbit

Scurry, scurry, worry, worry,

Like the hare I run about,

Busy, busy, in a tizzy,

I only hear the voice without.

Quiet, hare. Do not despair.

The voice within is strong and sure.

If you just listen, you'll learn your mission,

Be confident and self-assured.

My contribution to writing

My contribution to the writers group that I'm in. I think I'll join the members in having my "writers profile" published next month... what do you think?

Writers Profile:
I'm quiet new to this group and havent as yet attended any of the readings or events, I have lived here in [city ommitted] all my life.I am just getting used to calling myself a writer, I havent used that title for very long, but I do like the sound of it. I am a writer amongst many other things. I also wear the hat of a mother, an entrepreneur, a personal assistant, a dancer,a loving partner, and a Reiki Master Healer.

I havent always been a writer. Through school I excelled as a numbers person, maths and computers saw me earn my Bachelor of Science in Information Technology. I then spent many years as a Software Engineer; I discovered that I particually enjoyed writing the specifications, requirements, analasysis and user manuals more than I did the acutal programming - which is very unusual for a programer! I found the passion for writing.

I wrote a monthly garden design column a local newspaper for a couple of years whilst I ran my own Landscape Design business. My passion for writing grew as I wrote the column and design specifications.

I embarked on a journey of enlightenment and self discovery and through that my journal became my best friend. I wrote daily, page after page of my life experiences, my pain, my joys and my personal growth. I found the power of writing.

Now I am writing a book, for many reasons; for my love of writing, for the power of writing, for myself, for my children, and for all women out there who I can inspire to love themselves enough to enjoy life and leave the pain behind - you don't have to live like that anymore.

- Linda Marie